Dearest my best girl

Malem-malem, gw lagi idle – dateng SMS. From an old best girlfriend, ternyata – menanyakan suatu hal yang jarang ditanyakan oleh dia, dan membuat gw bertanya-tanya.

Teman 1
Gab, menurut lo cowo yang sexy tu yg kaya apa?

Gw
Hah? Jarang2 lo nanya beginian he2.. Not too build but not too skinny, yg jls ga stocky. Byk banget si gw mwny. Body build n tulang make ´em sexy. Aww, He must be hawt. Yumm :)

Teman 1
Gw sih suka yang putih, berkacamata, rapi, pake kemeja digulung, kancing-a kebuka dikit n wangi! ah, cupu amat c gw!

Gw
Yah, sexy itu kan relatif. Ada co yg suka ce skinny. Ada jg yg blg innocent church girl sexy. Emg knp tanya2?

Teman 1
Hny ingin tau apa yang sebenernya diingingkan wanita. Bagi gw yg sexy itu otak! Tapi scar, bekas cukuran, dada bidang, body berisi – uhm, that´s hot :)

Gw
Well, yg gw bilang tadi physicaly. Bekas shaving juga sexy ya :) honesty and spontanity is hot for me.

Yah, teman gw yang satu ini seringkali bertanya tentang laki-laki yang ini dan laki-laki yang itu kepada gw. Dia sering tanya, ´Duh, gw ngga banget ya? kesannya desperado banget – cici gw uda nanyain mulu, emang kenapa sih kalo single?´ (seperti kebanyakan teman perempuan lainnya).

Kemudian gw bakal jawab, ´Honey, it´s just normal when you are twenty something. Our sex drive is racing, and a hunger to be loved (OR EVEN TOUCHED) is a normal thing. Tapi pilihan kita buat jadi single, ya – itu pilihan kita, karena kita tau kita sudah siap untuk apa dan belum siap untuk apa.´

Iya sih, ngga semua orang punya pikiran yang sama. Some of us bahkan melakukan denial: we prefer to be single than to be desperately hunger in love, we are happy of being single. So what? Iya, kalo itu pilihan dari dasar hati yang paling dalam sih pasti hepi :) DIJAMIN!!! Tapi kalo itu cuma bentuk proteksi diri dari ke-single-an, yah sama aja – we ARE desperately hunger of love ditambah helpless! Lha parah kan?

Lalu dia tanya lagi, ´Gab gw bingung, ada cowo deketin gw. Dulu kita emang sempet deket tapi tiba-tiba ngga lagi. Lo tau kan, hubungan kita sempet ga enak.´

Gw
Lha terus apa yang dibingungin? Lo seneng apa ngga?

Teman 1
Ngga tau... Gw bingung, tapi gw ngga boleh suka sama dia.

Gw
Lha lo aja bingung apalagi gw!!! Emang siapa yang bilang lo ngga boleh suka dia? Kenapa, gitu?


Teman 1
Yaaaa, ngga tau – tapi gw memang membatasi diri gw aja untuk ngga suka sama dia. Gw ngga pengen suka sama cowo kaya dia.

Gw
Lha??? Ko gitu? Lagian kalo ntarnya tau-tau lo suka gimana? You can´t ever choose with whom you fall ini love, beybi – tapi lo bisa mengendalikan hati lo. Jalanin aja dulu, lo kan belum kenal banget sama dia. Siapa tau dia cowo yang lo cari. Kenapa sih? Dia kurang putih? (teman gw ini pecinta lelaki putih bersih mulus – aneh)

Teman 1
Yah, begitulah. Gw lebih suka sama yang ini, ini, dan ini.

Gw (dalam hati)
Yaelah, nih orang – ngga mau dibilang picky tapi banyak mau, padahal ngga ada yang salah dari par lelaki yang mendekati dia.


Gw
Lha terus yang laki-laki3 gimana? Dia udah balik ke Sydney? Lo suka ga sih sama dia?

Teman 1
Suka, tapi gw bingung. Gimana mendekatinya... The good news is dia bakal balik dari Sydney tinggal di Indonesia. Gw udah dapet nomor handphone-nya, Gab.

Gw
Nah? Terus kenapa ngga di-sms? Jangan bilang lo anti SMS duluan... Lo tu ya, REMPONG BET!!!

Teman 1
Sedikit, lagian gw ngga tau cara SMS-nya. Gw takut... (begini, begitu, and so on...)

Perhatikan bagian ini:

Teman 1

Yah, sebenernya bukannya gw ngga boleh suka sama laki-laki 1, dan bukannya gw juga ngga suka sama lak-laki 2. Gw juga ngga apa-apa sama laki-laki 3. Gw cuma pengen Laki-laki 4 (which is anak SMA kelas 1) physically, dengan keadaan yang lebih dewasa. I want someone better.

INI DIA INTINYA! Well, i will let you know. Iya, you – my bestgirl :) Don´t you realize that every time a better guy comes into your life, you always want another better one. Keadaannya seperti siklus yang ngga pernah berhenti. Di satu sisi lo selalu bilang, ´Gw ngga pengen seseorang yang sempurna koq,´ tapi di sisi lain ´that guy´ - semacam orang yang lo pengen itu, adalah yang sempurna buat lo. Di satu sisi lo selalu tanya, ´apa salahnya jadi single sih?´ di sisi lain lo SELALU MENGELUH, ´hah – coba gw punya cowo...´

Love, it would never bring you to the finish line. And you will be a perfectly-happy-single (ngakunya), tapi sering cursing yourself for wishing a-kind of that-man in your life. Well... just set your heart free because we are nothing more than women.

Are we simply romantically challenged, or are we sluts? (CARRIE – Sex and The City)


*Ngomong-ngomong, ni film kaga masuk Bandung apa? Lama banget...

A Girl (by NO DOUBT)

Take this pink ribbon off my eyes, I'm exposed
And it's no big surprise
Don't you think I know, Exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me to hold your hand

'Cause I'm just a girl, little old me
Don't let me out of your sight
I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights
Oh ... I've had it up to here!

The moment that I step outside
So many reasons for me to run and hide
I can't do the little things I hold so dear
'Cause it's all those little things that I fear

'Cause I'm just a girl I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drivelate at night
I'm just a girl
Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit and stare with their eyes
I'm just a girl
Take a good look at me, just your typical prototype

Oh... I've had it up to here I
Oh... am I making myself clear?

I'm just a girl I'm just a girl in the world...
That's all that you'll let me be!
I'm just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb makes me worry some
I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?
What I've succumbed to, is making me numb
I'm just a girl ... my apologies
What I've become is so burdensome
I'm just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there's no comparison
Oh...I've had it up to!

By: No Doubt

If They're Not Real, Then They're Fake

Sang sepupu guw suka banget nyimpenin foto-foto supermodel di computer, yang entah untuk apa gunanya. Yah, mostly sih untuk diliat dan dikagumi (walau akhirnya berguna juga untuk ngeliat make-up yang uda di-apply sama si make-up artist di wajah mereka). Dia juga hafal nama-nama hampir semuwa model-model yang lagi exist these recent days. Kalo gw, paling-paling taunya cuma Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell, Gemma Ward, Giselle Bundchen… Udah… Jujur aja, gw juga baru tau Alessandra Ambrosio dari dia, padahal dia kan Brazillian bombshell gitu (katanya). Eh, itu mah Adriana Lima ya? ('LIMA' - is it spelled rite?)

Awalnya sih, gw ngga terlalu ‘ngeh’ dengan dunia permodelan dan ngga terlalu peduli dengan siapa yang jalan di atas runway. Buat gw yang penting, siapa yang ada di balik runway – sang kreator (sedaaaap). Secara I’m so into fashion and she’s so into modelling, Fashion TV adalah channel wajib setiap hari =) Lama-lama, karena kita suka nonton bareng… Dia malah pengen jadi fashion designer, dan guw jadi lebih perhatian dengan beauty and make-up. Sekarang kalo dia ajak gw ngobrol tentang make-up atau model, gw udah ngga bego-bego amat (yess…!)

Sampe akhirnya gw sadar, “Loh? Kok banyak banget ya model yang melakukan plastic surgery?” Yah, suka bingung aja ngeliat a divine creature – suka iri yang jelas mah! Pas liat profile-nya, eh tau-taunya… Terus, waktu nonton reality show di MTV yang tentang beauty pageant gitu dee – besoknya dia mau show, hari ininya dia nyuntik kolagen untuk bibirnya. Man! She’s just 18! Ya, emang sih jadi bagus bibirnya, tapi 18 tahun gitu kan… She even doesn’t need it yet! Parahnya, itu biasa! Ya, kalo uda mulai keriput dan butuh sedikit kolagen untuk face lift – maybe that’s acceptable… Lha ini??? Very not real!

Awalnya gq mikir, “Hm… Curang deh… Mereka ngga cantik karena mereka cantik, dong! Mereka cantik karena plastic surgery. They’re perfect not because they are, but they’re perfect because they made it. FAKE…”

But then, I change my mind. A hunger to be beautiful is everyone’s right. If they’re so into modelling, dan mau melakukan apapun untuk mendapatkannya – so, plastic surgery is one of their efforts. You want it, you pay the price. Di sini gw menghargai mereka, they are willing to do anything that is necessary for their carrier. Modelling, aset utamanya kan tubuh dan wajah, jadi plastic surgery adalah salah satu cara mereka untuk ‘pay the price’.

Still, I’m a person who cannot accept a plastic surgery if it’s not crucially needed.

A Girl With a Brave Heart

I remember few weeks ago when you called me. I was surprised – it’s been a really long time… (maksudnya udah lama aku ngga denger suara kamu - aseeek). Kamu yang mulai pembicaraannya, dan aku tetap merespon dengan datar seperti biasa. Until you started crying – you said you’re crying because of the e-mail that I sent to you. Kamu bilang aku ngga boleh kaya gitu.

While you were crying, I was laughing – wondering why you were crying. Hey, mungkin kalo aku lihat wajah kamu langsung, aku juga akan nangis. Kamu bilang kamu tau rasanya, dan kamu pernah ada di titik itu. Dear, you know it was hard for you – and now, it IS hard for me. Aku cuma bingung – kenapa kamu bisa sampe nangis, cuma karena baca tulisanku. Until I finally found those tears I never shed.

It’s very nice to have a friend, yang bisa ngerasain apa yang kita rasain. You are a very supportive friend. Sometimes… Nope, mostly – we don’t just need a friend with brain, but a friend with heart. And your heart is a… whiz heart =)

Tau ngga – you are a very loving friend. Aku ngga pernah ketemu temen yang se-fair dan se-warm kamu, lo… All the girlfriends here – they aren’t just being girls. Atau malah, they are trying too hard to be a girl. While you, girl – you are just… Simply a girl.

You go ups and downs, you’ve been ugly and beautiful. Sometimes you go out of the right track, but then you come back. You become a freaky insane, but you keep your sanity for the right time. You fall at times, but there are times when you pick me up when I stumble. You are a party goer as you are chasing your dreams.

Hehe… Inget ngga waktu kita udah lama banget ngga ketemu waktu SMP – lalu ngga sengaja ketemu di jalan. Kamu baru pulang sama Mike. Sadar ngga kalo kita teriak kenceng banget? Aku sadar, karena abis itu aku dimarahin sepupu aku yang ada di sebelah kita. Hey, aku bukan orang yang suka teriak lo – tapi aku teriak waktu itu. Aku juga masih simpen semua surat kamu, dan beberapa undelivered card untuk kamu (oops, sorry). Aku simpen semua gambar kita. Gambar-gambar yang dibuat waktu kita ngga merhatiin guru, waktu kita SMP. We’re so green and we dreams a lot (sampe sekarang kita juga masih muda kan, yah? Baru juga 21 tahun). Aku juga masih inget ko – we dreamed that one day we will own our fashion line, like Dolce and Gabbana. “Tapi kita ga homo,” you added :)

Nothing makes me more happy than to know that I have such a friend like you. A person who knows how to respect… We’re not that kinda friends yang spend really lot of times together. We even meet rarely. We don’t do chatting on the phone until late at nite. And all that other fun stuffs. But I know that we’re growing together, we support each other, and the bond in our friendship is a heart bond.

Aku doain kamu – always win the battle. You – the diamond of God, I know you will get your dreams… For you are a girl with a brave heart.






Gambar diambil tanpa ijin (sori, jek!): http://photos-575.friendster.com/e1/photos/57/53/12233575/1_428736106l.jpg

Kepada Seorang Teman Perempuan

To a friend… (yang uda gua sms untuk baca entry ini)

Everybody seems to notice you
‘Cause you’re not really trying to hide a thing
Sometimes you’re cool
Sometimes your mood swings
No baggy shirts to hide the change
No shame, nobody to lie to
To pry with what’s inside of you…

And he say, she say
She’s too grown
Poor thing, all on her own
But who cares what they say
’Cause no one can judge you at all
It’s not who’s right or who’s wrong
Girl, you’re not alone…


Babygirl, take it one day at a time
You can’t just grow up overnight
Babygirl, I know you’re feeling butterfly
But everything will be alright
Everything will be alright


(taken from “Babygirl” by Stacie Orrico)

Inget percakapan kita di SMS waktu hari Kamis, kan? Kalo Stacie Orrico dedicates this song to all single parents, then I dedicate this song to you (I once dedicated this song to myself, girl…). The way to get it all is just with loosing all the hurt feelings inside – just release ´em all. YOU HAVE TO (and don’t ever say again “gw ngga tau harus apa”). OK – lu boleh bilang kaya gitu lagi, tapi jangan karena masalah yang sama :) Karena waktu lu berhasil dalam segala pekerjaan but you suffer in your heart – it all means NOTHING. Over all, you are learning. You are growing up, girl.

Beberapa waktu yang lalu, gw ngomong sama diri gw sendiri: “I just realize that it’s OK if I am not tough enough – it doesn’t matter if I am not strong enough. Because I am nothing more than a child. I am not a rock, I am just a human – a daughter. A woman with many sensitive feelings. A twenty something woman with a little girl’s heart.” So are you. You are nothing more than a child. If you’re not strong enough – that is totally alright, you’re learning. I know you struggle, and you’re becoming strong. Lo ngga payah, tapi belum bisa. Hehe…

Just do it (pinjem tagline NIKE). Do right because you know the right reasons – because you want to, not you have to. Oke, jeng…? I told myself: “When I am in an unfair situation, I will change the situation. I will turn it into something better, and get the best part from the worst situation.” Believe me, it IS hard to change the unfair situation, yang terpenting lo MAU dan MOVE. As I said, you know your needs – you know yourself. You know your heart.

Keep fighting… (ngga cuma surviving)